Friday, June 6, 2008

NeVeR, aLwAyS…

Mind-blowingly, absolutely, strangely, satisfyingly amazing…

He’s just from who knows where, the brother and the best man that I have come to meet in order to rid me from the one who all can see is unwanted, accept me. And there it was, strangely it started at “I do”, the first look , and it ended in something out of this world. But he is on the other side of the ocean; everyone is aware and knew all along. Exotic… I knew it was fine, I thought it was fine, his sole purpose was to help me come to a realization and he ended up making me realize way too much.

Realizing how much time I have been wasting, keeping busy with much less than satisfies, in more ways than one. Thereafter it is as if it never happened, which is fine, I think, one would get way too exhausted. Carrying on over the depths of the sea. Brief encounters, impersonal, knowingly meaningless. The return, uselessly rendered on a so to say blank canvas, so it seemed, not even worth picking up a paintbrush for but turning out to be a masterpiece once one comes to realization. But so much so that it can be true touching the magic and realizing how temperamental it is in reality. Here but not really. Extravagant moments of emotion. There is so many reasons why this can work and only one why it cant – or is it that simple? Can it be this obviously explainable? Never… Untrue… Must be. A fortnight is merely something to base a future on. Or is it? Compatible, it seems, but what does he want, I am rarely enough to base a life changing decision on… Or am I? The way I want it to be? Realization… Reality…

But what do you see? What does it mean? What do you want, I want, they want? Ecstatic moments of self-realization. It could all be so perfect but it can never be that simple. Funny or ironic? That life’s best things can come down too 2 words as simple as never and always, never or always… But is it really never? Never is an extremely long time, but so is always. The right thing at the wrong time and he is in the wrong place. Momentarily utopia it seems… Here today and gone tomorrow and that it just the way it is. Is there anything anyone can do to change this? Most definitely a hundred wrong things and some right ones, but is that really what is needed for a masterpiece? Or is it contemplation over the concept of a so to say blank canvas that is needed at this moment…

Time and age asks this to be only an idea for the time being, manifestation is not in a hurry anywhere. Hopefully it comes to that stage…. Manifestation. So many things can change on both sides and interfere with manifestation, but this statement was also relevant at the best man stage, yet the statement did not interfere.. Or was it just this time? Will there be a next time? Hope and faith is always a magic ingredient. But does hope and faith exist? Help? Can anything be based upon these words? Basically the time is wrong, while everything else seems to be right... Seems to be. Irony is such a wonderful thing and so is the unknown. Is it still ironic if one doesn’t really know…? The future is a long way from here and history is a foreign place. Perfect, the canvas then has a long time to develop into a masterpiece. But for now the artist is ironically never or always absent. Where are we now and where are are we going… Do we need to know? It does matter but it won’t change anything in the end. It awaits the end, the beginning. Exhilaration is then the perfect end or starting point. All good things come to those who wait, everything comes to an end. Remember always, we regret more of the things we didn’t do than we regret the things we did. Never or Always awaits…

The Beginning…

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